Letting the Good Things In
- Jo Moore
- Dec 22, 2025
- 6 min read
Learning to receive help, love, and kindness — and to believe you deserve them.
There’s a strange, quiet art to receiving. For many of us, it feels easier to give — our instincts nudge us toward fixing, offering, rescuing, and doing. Letting someone help, accepting a compliment, sitting with a kindness offered without stitching it to strings of “I must earn this” — these are different muscles. They’re muscles that deserve to be exercised, because they open us to belonging, healing, and the simple rightness of being seen.
This post explores what it means to let good things in: to accept help, to know you are worthy, to believe that love and kindness should not be conditional, and to practise the radical humility of receiving. Along the way, you’ll find gentle practices, scientific support, and a few quotes to hold in your pocket.
“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.”— Anonymous
Why Receiving Matters (and How It Heals)
Human beings are social creatures. That’s not just a poetic line — it’s backed by research showing that social support and connection are fundamental to both mental and physical health. Studies consistently find that perceived social support reduces stress, improves coping, and protects against anxiety and depression. In other words, simply knowing help is available — and accepting it when offered — measurably improves wellbeing. (Source: Mental Health Foundation, 2023)
At the same time, giving is good for the giver. Acts of kindness, volunteering, and generosity have been shown to boost life satisfaction and a sense of purpose. But giving and receiving aren’t opposites — they’re part of a natural rhythm. When we block ourselves from receiving, we block that rhythm and limit our connection.
Letting good things in isn’t indulgence — it’s biology. It’s how humans thrive together.
We Are Worthy — Not Because of What We Do, But Because We Are
One of the hardest leaps is from “I must earn love” to “I am worthy of love.”Psychology research on conditional love — especially in childhood — shows that when affection depends on behaviour or achievement, people grow up with fragile self-worth and chronic self-doubt. They learn to perform for acceptance rather than rest in it. (Source: Assor et al., 2004, Child Development)
If your inner voice keeps a ledger of unearned affection — a list of “not yet, not enough” — try this:When someone offers a kindness, pause for three seconds before responding. Let it land. Say “thank you” rather than explaining why you don’t deserve it. This tiny act gives your nervous system a chance to feel safety in being cared for.
Dr. Kristin Neff’s pioneering research on self-compassion shows that treating yourself with the same kindness you offer others builds resilience and emotional balance. It helps you accept care without guilt, because you begin to recognise your inherent value. (Source: Neff, 2003, Self and Identity)
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”— Buddha
Love and Kindness Shouldn’t Be an Exam You Have to Pass
Conditional love says: “I will love you if.”Unconditional love says: “I love you.”
The difference matters. Conditional love trains us to perform; unconditional love trains us to be. It doesn’t mean ignoring boundaries or condoning harm — rather, it honours the person’s worth even when limits are needed.
When affection is only given for silence, success, or self-sacrifice, people learn to shrink. Yet research on attachment shows that unconditional positive regard — being loved for who we are — supports stable self-esteem and emotional security. (Source: Rogers, 1961, On Becoming a Person)
“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”— Author unknown
Receiving love freely given — without proving, fixing, or performing — is one of the most courageous acts of adulthood.
The Neuroscience of Receiving
Emerging neuroscience supports what wisdom traditions have long known: both giving and receiving calm the stress response.Social connection lowers cortisol, boosts immune function, and even supports longevity. Acts of kindness activate the brain’s reward circuits; receiving support reduces activity in brain regions associated with threat and increases those linked to safety and trust.(Source: Inagaki & Eisenberger, 2016, Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience)
Your body interprets care as safety.That’s why a sincere compliment or helping hand can feel physically soothing — it’s your nervous system shifting from vigilance to rest.
Gratitude, Not as a Performance, But as a Doorway
Gratitude practices — like jotting down things you’re thankful for — consistently show small but meaningful improvements in happiness and life satisfaction. (Source: Emmons & McCullough, 2003, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)
Gratitude isn’t about proving you’re humble or “positive enough.” It’s simply a way of noticing life’s small gifts. Noticing makes it easier to receive without guilt.
A simple practice: once a week, write three small kindnesses you received — a friend’s message, a stranger’s smile, a moment of rest. Spend a few sentences reflecting on how each felt. You’re not keeping score; you’re learning to recognise abundance as part of everyday life.
Saying “Thank You” Is More Than Good Manners
Every time you accept a compliment or gift without deflecting, you reinforce the truth that you are inherently worthy, just as you are. It may seem like a small social nicety, but saying “thank you” is a powerful act of self-acceptance. Each time you let a kind word or gesture land without pushing it away, you train your nervous system to be open to ease, to warmth, and to abundance. In doing so, you gently rewire the way you relate to generosity — both giving and receiving. You teach your body and mind that goodness can arrive without a price tag, that love can come unearned, and that your place in the circle of giving is not on the outside looking in, but right at its heart.
Practical Ways to Get Better at Receiving
Like any other skill, receiving takes practice. Here are gentle steps to help you strengthen this capacity:
Say “thank you,” full stop.When someone offers a compliment, resist the urge to downplay it or add self-deprecating humour. Just breathe and say, “thank you.”
Name what’s happening.When help arrives, name it to yourself: “I feel supported.” Naming creates a neural imprint of safety.
Accept tiny offers first.Let someone hold the door, offer a seat, or make you tea. These micro-moments teach your body that receiving is safe.
Reciprocate naturally, not from debt.True reciprocity isn’t keeping score; it’s trusting that generosity circulates. You’ll give again when you can — that’s enough.
Reframe your inner script.When the voice of unworthiness rises, replace “I don’t deserve this” with “This is here now.” Let that be your new mantra.
Say yes to being seen.Next time someone asks how you are, give a real answer. Two honest sentences open doors to connection.
Accept professional help.Therapy, coaching, spiritual guidance — these are forms of structured receiving. Taking them is strength, not weakness.
When Receiving Feels Hard
For many, receiving can stir up old fears — fear of dependence, rejection, or loss. If your nervous system says “don’t trust” when kindness appears, honour that. Those defences once kept you safe.Healing begins with curiosity, not criticism.
You can start small: accept a compliment, accept help with something practical, let yourself rest when tired. Over time, your system learns that care can be safe, that you can stay connected without losing autonomy.
Remember: progress in this area is cyclical, not linear. Some days it will feel easy to receive; other days, impossible. Keep showing up with gentleness.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”— Brené Brown
Stories That Teach: The Ripple of Receiving
Imagine two neighbours.One always offers help, and the other always refuses, saying, “I don’t want to be a burden.” Over time, the refusals create distance. The helper feels rejected; the refuser grows lonely.
Now imagine the same scene with one small change: the second neighbour says, “Thank you, that would mean a lot.”They share tea, talk, and exchange small kindnesses. A friendship grows.
Research confirms that reciprocal social support — where giving and receiving coexist — predicts better emotional wellbeing and resilience than one-sided support alone. (Source: Uchino et al., 2018, Psychological Bulletin)
Receiving isn’t selfish. It’s how we keep the circle of humanity intact.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”— Alan Watts
A Final Invitation: Let the Good Things In
Letting the good things in is not about entitlement — it’s about balance. It’s remembering that giving and receiving are two halves of the same breath.
Science tells us that social connection, gratitude, and self-compassion all improve our wellbeing. But beyond the data, there’s something tenderly human in learning to open the door when kindness knocks.
So today, when someone offers you something — a compliment, a seat, a listening ear — pause, breathe, and simply say: “Thank you.”
Let it land. Let it heal. Let the good things in.
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