Doing the Best You Can
- Jo Moore
- 7 days ago
- 5 min read
A Gentle Guide to Acceptance (and Why Perfection Can Wait)
There’s a small, hopeful power in the sentence, “I did the best I could.” It sounds humble, quiet - and maybe a little ordinary. But ordinary is where life happens. Doing the best you can is not a dramatic finish line; it’s a steady, honest habit. It asks for courage, not perfection. It asks for presence, not performance.
Below is an uplifiting, practical look at what “doing your best” really means, why acceptance helps it thrive, and what science says about letting go of perfection. I’ve sprinkled a few short quotes to brighten the road and linked to research so you can explore further.
1. The heart of “doing your best”
Doing your best is a daily, moment-to-moment practice of bringing your attention, effort, and compassion to a task - not with the demand that it be flawless, but with the intention that it’s true. It’s the difference between pushing yourself into exhaustion for the illusion of perfect results, and inviting yourself to show up, learn, and adapt.
When we say “I did my best,” we’re acknowledging limits (time, energy, information) and choices. We’re also allowing room for the next step: to learn, to rest, or to try again.
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” — Theodore Roosevelt
That old line isn’t a resignation; it’s a strategy. It focuses energy where it actually matters: the present moment.
2. Acceptance is not giving up - it's choosing focus
Acceptance gets a bad rap. Some hear “acceptance” and think “I must like everything that happens.” That’s not it. Acceptance is clearer: it means noticing reality without wasting energy in denial or futile resistance. Once reality is seen, you can choose the action that actually helps.
Psychological Acceptance (as used in therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) encourages people to notice thoughts and feelings without being ruled by them. Evidence shows ACT can be more effective than usual care for anxiety, depression, and stress-related issues - helping people behave in ways that align with their values even when emotions are difficult. (PubMed)
When you accept that you’re anxious, tired, or imperfect, you free up attention and resources for what’s actually possible: steady progress, honest repair, or simply rest.
3. Letting go of perfectionism - why it’s important
Perfectionism often masquerades as high standards. But there are two sides: adaptive perfectionism (healthy striving) and maladaptive perfectionism (harsh self-criticism, fear of failure). The latter is strongly linked with anxiety and depression: research finds that perfectionistic concerns predict increases in depressive symptoms and can trap people in cycles of worry and avoidance. (ScienceDirect)
Holding ourselves to impossible standards feels productive briefly, but it narrows attention and saps creativity. It also teaches us to value only outcomes, not effort or learning. So instead of asking, “Did I make this perfect?” try asking: “Did I act with care, honesty, and the best resources I had today?”
4. Self-compassion: the ally of “doing your best”
If perfectionism is the critic, self-compassion is the coach. Psychologist Kristin Neff and colleagues have shown that self-compassion - treating yourself kindly in moments of failure - correlates with better mental health, healthier behaviors, and greater emotional resilience. Self-compassion reduces the shame and rumination that often follow “not-good-enough” experiences, allowing you to recover and grow. (Self-Compassion)
Practical self-compassion in action:
Notice the pain without amplifying it (name it: “I’m disappointed”).
Remind yourself you’re human - this difficulty is part of being human.
Ask, “What would I say to a friend right now?” and offer that kindness to yourself.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” — Brené Brown
Self-compassion isn’t indulgence; it’s smart energy management. When you stop punishing yourself, you gain energy to try again.
5. Growth mindset and the “yet”
Doing your best is easier when your goals live in a growth mindset: the belief that ability and skill can be developed through effort and strategy. Carol Dweck’s work shows that people who adopt a growth mindset respond to setbacks with curiosity and persistence - they ask “What can I learn?” instead of “Am I a failure?” This small linguistic and mental shift has large effects on learning and resilience. (PMC)
Try adding “yet” to your inner script: “I don’t know how to do this… yet.” That tiny word widens the future and transforms failure into information.
6. Practical steps to do your best (without burning out)
Here are simple, actionable practices that help you act effectively and kindly:
Define “best” before you begin. Set realistic criteria for success based on time/resources, not idealized perfection.
Chunk the work. Break big tasks into small, testable steps. Small wins build momentum.
Use compassionate check-ins. Mid-task, ask: “Am I focused or spiraling?” If spiraling, reframe and return to one small action.
Learn, don’t label. After a setback, ask three specific questions: What happened? What did I learn? What’s one small change next time?
Schedule recovery. Rest and play aren’t optional; they’re performance supports. Studies link self-compassion to healthier behaviors and better self-regulation. (TIME)
7. When “doing your best” looks different than you expect
Doing your best doesn’t always mean producing more. Sometimes it means choosing the kindest option - to yourself and others. That might be setting a boundary, saying no, or going to bed early. These choices are not fewer - they’re often wiser.
“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” — Sophia Bush
Recognizing that you are both in process and worthy now reduces the tyranny of “finished product” as sole proof of value.
8. Evidence-based hope: interventions that help
If perfectionism or self-criticism are getting in your way, there’s good news: interventions focused on acceptance, self-compassion, and mindset have evidence behind them. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) shows efficacy for anxiety and depression and helps people act in value-driven ways despite uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. (PubMed)
Self-compassion training (workshops, guided practices) has grown into a researched field with validated measures and interventions. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Scale and related programs are widely used in clinical and educational settings and are associated with reduced anxiety and improved coping. (Self-Compassion)
If perfectionism is severe and persistent, research supports targeted interventions that address perfectionistic thinking patterns - therapy can change the cycle. (ScienceDirect)
9. Short practices to try right now
You don’t need a retreat - here are 3 quick practices you can use in daily life:
One-minute “best I can” check: Pause. Breathe 3 slow breaths. Say to yourself: “I’m doing what I can right now.” Then take one clear action.
Compassion letter: Write one short paragraph to yourself describing the situation and offering kindness as you would to a friend. Keep it simple.
The “yet” reframe: When you notice “I can’t,” mentally add “yet.” Repeat the sentence. Notice how the emotional tone softens.
10. Stories that stick
People who live with the “doing my best” mindset tend to have richer learning, better relationships, and deeper contentment. They experience setbacks as data, not definitions. They sleep better - not because everything is perfect, but because their inner judge takes a day off.
One small story: imagine someone who loves painting but compares themselves to famous artists. After years of criticism, they begin a daily practice: 20 minutes of painting with the rule “no judging.” Over months, skill improves, joy returns, and their identity shifts from “I’m not an artist” to “I paint because it matters.” Doing their best invited growth - without the pressure of perfection.
11. Final thought: courage looks like tenderness
Doing the best you can isn’t always dramatic. Often it’s choosing tenderness when the world yells for more. It’s accepting what you cannot change and acting where you can. It’s learning, resting, and returning.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” — Brené Brown
Be gentle with your progress. Celebrate effort. When you notice old, perfection-driven scripts rising, compassionately remind yourself: you are doing the best you can - with what you have, where you are.
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